I’ve been an avid reader since birth (well, almost.) I know I read more than the average person. I have an English degree that required me to study everything from Beowulf to Zadie Smith. If there was an Olympics for reading, I might not be Michael Phelps, but I’d like to think I’d at least get a bronze medal or two.
In spite of my self-bestowed status as an Olympian reader, there are many classics that I have tried and failed to read. Today I want to share five of them and briefly explain why they weren’t for me. Keep reading and behold my literary failures.
Ulysses by James Joyce
Bless my precious heart for thinking this book couldn’t possibly be as daunting as people said. (It is.) Goodreads says this book is “a major achievement in 20th-century literature.” Even so, it’s just not for me. I admire Joyce’s creativity, risk-taking, and lasting contribution to literature, but I think I only made it ten pages before closing the book and putting it back on the shelf.
One of my college classmates did read Ulysses in its entirety. I still remember him and think in a Chris Traeger voice, “Way to go, buddy. Way to go.”
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
I’ve always liked going to antique stores, even as a kid. When I was in middle school, I was in an antique store with my parents and found a beautiful copy of Pride and Prejudice. I decided to get it and read it. I did get it, but read it? Not so much. I tried, though. I’ve picked up this book at least five times and wanted to read it, but I just can’t make myself finish it. I can’t get into it at all. That didn’t stop me from buying another copy of it, though. I had to have the A in the Drops Caps collection. I tried reading that edition, thinking my brain might be tricked by the new cover, but no. I still can’t do it. Kathleen Kelly would be so disappointed in me.
Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
If you weren’t upset enough that I don’t like Pride and Prejudice, I’m sure you’ll be thrilled to know I don’t like Little Women, either. I made it about 100 pages into this book (which is way farther than I’ve ever made it in P & P) but I lost interest and couldn’t make myself finish it. I own a beautiful edition of this book, so I keep it around for its looks, but I’m just not into its personality. Sorry, Louisa.
Joseph Andrews by Henry Fielding
To earn my English degree, I had to take and pass a comprehensive exam. The reading list was lengthy, including novels, poems, plays, and stories. I honestly don’t remember much that was on the list, but I remember this book. I am an avid rule-follower, so I did my assigned reading. I wasn’t the student who would just use SparkNotes and hope for the best. But as I read Joseph Andrews, I actually said out loud, “I hate you, book.” I briefly turned into a rebel and didn’t finish the book, but I passed the exam anyway. Joseph and I were never meant to be.
Middlemarch by George Eliot
I hear Middlemarch come up all the time in people’s lists of favorite books, so it’s the only title on my list that I want to try again someday. I read quite a bit of this one and was really into it when I first started, but I lost interest around the halfway point. I’m not quite sure why, but I just didn’t care enough to go another 400 or so pages. Maybe the timing was wrong. I promise I’ll come back to you someday, George Eliot.
What are the classics that haunt you? What are the ones you just couldn’t force yourself to finish?